These British jokes are quite funny. We've been informed that foreign students in Germany stop laughing, etc. Germans are a dead lot, but they're evil dead and so they fill others with both fear and hate.
http://www.sickipedia.org/search.php?q=german&category=&page=11
What's tougher than being a victim of the Nazi regime?Trying to find out about it in a german Encyclopedia.
The BBC have this week been showing a programme called "My Family At War", in which celebrities drive around France and Belgium visiting war cemetries, looking for the graves of their relatives who were killed during World War 1.And without any slight hint of irony, every fucking one of them was driving a german car!
An English guy sits in a bar on the Reeperbahn in Hamburg eyeing up a beautiful german bird.After a few beers he plucks up the courage to speak to her."Do you speak English?""Some""How much?""300 Euro."
I went on a visit to Munich with my elderly grandfather and he had some amazing stories to tell. Almost every street we saw held some memories for him: "Damn german bastards... This is where we cornered two of the scumbags... This little cafe was totally destroyed when we got here... This is where I ended up in hand to hand combat, I had to stab the bugger..."Still, I must admit that I wished I had been there too, to share in the experience - United fans on tour, European Cup, 1958.
American gunman kills 9german
gunman kills 16
The bloody germans win in a shoot out again.
Heard a joke by reigate pen:"Yay! Sickipedia's back!I don't know what I'd do without Sickipedia...Probably go out, socialise, make some friends, get a girlfriend, get a job..."I don't know what i'd do either. My mate Tim seemed pretty hacked off aswell. Had a bright idea about what he'd do though.... said something about a school, guns and murder........Not sure how it went though, i texted him to say sickipedia's back but he's not replied.....Now that you mention that, I havnt heard anything from my pen pal in germany for days . . . odd
A german right wing extremist was on TV earlier, explaining his views: " To myself, and to many other germans, the holocaust is nothing but a great joke."Well, this would explain why no-one else finds it funny.
A german student walks into a library.Everyone takes cover.
I've manufactured a pop band for the german market. SS Club 7. Potential singles could be "Reich for the Stars", "SS Club Nazi Party" etc.
A massacre in germany and not a single Jew dead. What a waste of time.
I was raping a german the other day and she kept shouting NEIN NEIN! Does this mean they prefer gang rape?
Were would you be without humour and laughter?germany.
There are a Frenchman, an Englishman, a german and a Jew on a plane and, about halfway through their flight, the captain reports that there are engine troubles and in order to stay in the air the plane must lose some weight. After the baggage is dropped, the plane is still too heavy.The Frenchman, being full of pride for his country, opens the plane door and says, "vive la France!" and jumps out. Still too heavy.The Englishman says, "for my Queen and country!" and jumps out, but the plane is still too heavy.The german says, "for the Fatherland!" and pushes the Jew out.
How do you pick up a Jewish girl in germany?Dustpan and brush.
I bet you Americans are sick of the British calling you fat and the you British are sick of the Americans calling you buck teethed idiots. Can't we all just get a long and lynch some niggers, shoot some brazilians and gas some jews?Much love, germany.
The amount of shit I have to take in my job is unbelievable.I work in the german porn industry.
I just bought a fitted kitchen from that german company Kutchenhaus.Fuck me you should see the size of the oven.
Someone posted:"Did you know that there is no word for "Surrender" in the german language, but there is 14 different words for "Attack."Looks like the germans need a French lesson...
Some people debate whether David Hasselhoff is german or American.Well I thought I'd do a bit of research to see. And from all the information, i.e. that he speaks fluent german, visits germany on a regular basis, has a huge german fan base and his name is from a german origin yet was born in America, I came to the conclusion that he is a cunt.
A limited edition Snickers bar to be released this September in germany to commemorate 70 years since the start of the war.The slogan is "Hungary? Why wait!"
Of course the school shooting in germany killed more people than the one in America.The germans have more experience.
I have created a new drink called Million Juice, I'm currently working on the slogan, what about:I would kill 4 Million Juice!P.S. It seems to sound very catchy in a german voice
A german dressed in black, going round shooting innocent people?Who would have thought, eh?
The Holocaust: Comfortably the best example of german efficiency in its history.
Following news that a german schoolboy went on a killing spree, statements have been pouring in from all over the world.Pupils in English public schools have sent deepest sympathies, Swiss academy cadets have offered their emotional support and students across France are already preparing armistice terms.
I've always wanted to watch germany play Nigeria at football, just so I could see NIG-GER on the scoreboard.Trouble is I don't have a black and white TV.
Out of all the things germany has done there is only one thing I cannot forgive.How could they fall for his charms? When it is so obvious the man symbolises everything evil in the world.I fucking hate David Hasselhoff
High school children in germany do not like beer. They prefer shots instead.
I've just had a great night out with my Sickipedian mates. They set me up with this stunning 16 year old german girl, Kim Petras. We got it on and after lots of heavy petting, she sucked my cock for ages, then said she didnt want to lose her virginity yet but I could take her up the arse. It was fantastic.I've just come online cos the lads said check her out on Google Images and then Wikipedia. She's quite famous apparently.I'm just looking now.....great pics....wikipe....wait, what the fuck?! OH NO!! NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!...you sick bastards.....hurgh.....I'm gonna be sick! YOU CUNTS!...----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Excuse me mate, what's her number?----------------------------------I dunno, but I 'got your number'! Sicko!-----------------------------------------You dick, who cares whether she was a man or not, she's a fucking german! You should of stopped at that!---------------------------------------She's 17
The opponents of The British National Party are forever likening them to Nazi germany.Well, if that's the case, following the chaos caused by the Tube strike, surely we must get the BNP into power.How else are we going to get the trains running on time for The Olympics?
I remember when I was at germany fifa 2006, we had to pile into trains to get to the stadium every day. On the first day we were packed in tight, and my dad said to me... (the entire train goes quite just as he opens his mouth)... "This is how they transported the Jews!"I hate my dad.---------------------------------------True story
What do you call a german Gynaecologist?Hanz Inerkunt
Those germans are so efficient aren't they? Apparently he only used 5 bullets.
Which department of the german government was responsible for turning Jews into soap, lampshades etc?Human Resources.
You know you're watching too much porn when your best chat up lines are in german."Wollen sie eine butten fuchen?"
I had a wank over Kim Petras the other day. I was horrified when I found out that I wanked over a german.
My german neighbour knocked on my door and asked if I had a £1 coin for the gas meter.“There you go Mister Hitler, don’t spend it all at once” I jibed and we both had a little chuckle. Lovely old chap, wouldn’t hurt a fly.He’d kill 6 million Jews but he wouldn’t hurt a fly.
Timmy K killed 15 of his native germans.On the other hand, Seung Hui Cho killed 32 Americans.See the advantages of going abroad for a university education?
People tell me that germans are evil because of what Hitler did.To be fair, I think Austrians are evil - They're the ones that convinced the world that Hitler was german!
So, they found a 2200 pound World War Two bomb in London yesterday, whilst digging foundations for the 2012 Olympics development, which started ticking when they disturbed it.That should be a boost for german watch sales.
I for one was really disappointed whilst watching the womens England team lose 6-2 to germany this evening. Not one of them had a decent pair of tits.
So they may strip a black athlete of all her pride and give her gold medal to a blue eyed blonde haired woman germany Has come a long way....
When I was in high school, I was in the French club. We didn't really do anything, but every once in a while, we'd surrender to the german club.
I was playing tennis down the park with the kids, when guess who walks up... Boris Becker...I said, "Hey Boris, do you fancy doubling up?"He said, "Yes, okay."So I kicked the ginger german fucker right in the bollocks!
With eager anticipation I loaded the new DVD I'd got off ebay. "Blonde german Teenager's Lesbian Spanking"That certainly ticks all my boxes.It turned out to be highly disappointing footage of a young Steffi Graf getting thrashed at tennis by Martina Navratilova.
I just read this on the BBC News Website:"germany's political landscape is so fragmented, no single party can get enough votes to form a government by itself."why don't they do what they did the last time this happened, and install a dynamic leader that could unite the nation, just like in the 1930's?That seemed to work out ok for everyone
What do you call a german baked bean?Heinz.
I went to the market the other day and this guy told me about this fucking amazing video!He said it had lots of virgins, nuns in paticular with kids, screaming out loud and being banged by big german fighters.And if thats not all, it has animals, maids and even bouts of aggression.I thought it was a fucking bargain at £40 so I took it home with me.What I didn't realise is the cheeky cunt sold me "The sound of music".
Look on the bright side of this air france crash, 20 germans have died which means there will be 20 more sun beds.
The Automatic car was made for the Americans, the same way incest was made for the germans.
Congratulations Sickipedia for kicking off with V3. I hope it's up and running soon.The fucking germans only managed to get V1 and V2 up and running.Beat the bastards to it again eh!
Nazi germany may have been oppressive, but at least the showers ran on time.
TRANSLATION
Mine shaft: What a german calls his penis.
I never thought I'd see England playing French tactics,Just lying down and letting the germans go through.
A mate of mine has contracted Swine Flu after eating a german SausageYou could say he's taken a turn for the wurst
Just read that 2 people have been killed and another left in a coma after participating in a german group therapy session.What is it with these fucking germans? My Gran had a german group shower session in the 40's with exactly the same outcome.
Swine flu spurs kissing ban at germanys Wacken heavy metal festival. Due to the “circumstances of limited hygiene,” the health ministry urged Wacken metal fans to resist “close greeting rituals” such as hugging, handshakes and kisses on the cheek. They should also not let beverages “circulate,” the statement said.Or to put it slightly different. germans, stop being so fucking gay!
A german walks into a french library and says, "Can I borrow a book please?"The librarian replies, " Yes just take the book and leave us alone, we want no trouble."
It's shocking that a man was beaten to death for a £5.69 bottle of Liebfraumilch, I mean, who the fuck spends over a fiver on that german piss?
I can't believe everyone is shocked that a german has killed a load of peopleIt's not exactly unheard of is it?
I was called a Nazi the other day. How the hell can that be true?I fucking hate germans.
I see in the news that a worker at a german soup factory was cooked to death after getting trapped inside a giant cauldron. The police are looking into it and taking stock of the situation.
Glad to see the commemorations for the losses on Omaha Beach were aired in germany, even if it was on the comedy channel.
We have a german exchange student staying at our house at the moment, as she is young my wife suggested that we put the effort in to really make her feel at home.When the young fraulein arrived I picked up her suitcases and offered to show her up to her room.We got upstairs and I wished her a comfortable stay, threw the cases in the loft then handed her a diary.
So germany has gone to the polls today to elect a new leader of their country.Is it just me or is anyone else hoping one of the candidates shows up to vote dressed in a Nazi uniform with a tiny square moustache on their face?
Q: How do you get a French waiter's attention? A: Start ordering in german.
What is a Pregnant Women to a german Cannibal?Kinder Suprise Its a sad day in germany, as 15 people, teenagers and adults, were gunned down and killed by another teenager who then shot himself.On a happier note, it's given us Sickipedians something funny to write on for a week.
I was at the student union convention on racism last week. A young woman stood up and apparently she wants to take votes away from fascists because of their beliefs. Anyone find that at all funny?(by the way she was blue eyed, had blonde hair and a distinct german accent)
The only thing wrong with this site is the bunch of clowns who copy jokes from other sites and paste them here, only to be pissed off when they find that it's been done before. The best way is to make your own jokes up - unless of course you are either from germany or America, in which case you are on the wrong site.
My next door neighbours are white.And they are so racist,everytime my black friends come to see me,they shout 'ABUSE!' at them.Everytime my kids go out to play,they hurry their kids back into the house.What I can't understand,if they're so british how can they be so german about it.
Things to watch out for if you're black:1. Ships2. The sun3. Car alarms4. The south5. Starting pistols6. germany
I thought it was the british who rebuilt germany, what a bunch of muggs we are!
While on holiday, the germans were up at 5am to put towels on the sun loungers.While they were at breakfast, I chucked them all in the pool.That'll teach the cunts.
I did a comedy show in germany a few months ago. Didn't go very well, as the crowd failed to respond to any of my jokes, I then discovered what the problem was, I couldn't speak german, I told them I would have done, but their army wasnt strong enough.
We had some german visitors round who my dad was doing a buisness deal with. We were eating super when one of them asked"So, have any of seen any of ze germany""Yes Hans i have""Oh, i take it you have been on holiday a couple of times, yes?""No, we havnt""So where have you seen zis germany then""I'v got some call of duty games upstairs"The whole table went silentMy dad didnt get the investmant he was looking for
The germans say there's three stages of swine flu...einswinedie...
- Doctor, Doctor, who's the nasty german who keeps hiding all my stuff?- Granny, that would be Alzheimer...
